resting in uncertainty

SkyMall, seen on many airplanes, is awesome. In what other catalog can you purchase a Snuggie, the world’s largest crossword puzzle, and a door bell for pets? "Honey, I know it's early but my Christmas list is finished!" It is awesome. But right now, it's not doing it for me.

As I write these words on my Blackberry, I am sitting on the runway of Grand Rapids airport preparing to return home to Bellingham. We've been delayed an hour and a half, and I am uncertain if I'll make it home today. Being patient in the face of uncertainty is familiar territory in this season of life and ministry.

With my wife, Kate, I am planting a church, and currently forming a launch team. Lately, I have been telling people that we are in the season of "DTR's". "DTR", or Define The Relationship, is a term I used in high school/college to describe a conversation to determine if a girl who was a friend would be interested in being a girlfriend. Through the Bible studies, parties, and service projects we host, we've made many good friendships. This however doesn't necessarily translate into folks joining us in the church plant. That's where the DTR comes in. I had one DTR just before flying out to MI, and in the next couple weeks I hope to have a several more. After these are all through, my hope is to gather all those who are "in" and have a party, then later begin the journey of daydreaming together.

Those are my HOPES, but I can't call them PLANS, because I am uncertain if anyone will say "yes" to my DTR's. Despite my mellow, laid back disposition, I genuinely dislike waiting, and right now I'm ready to take the next step of ministry and move forward with my launch team. I know, however, that for the moment (and for the long-term health of our church) I need to sit in uncertainty and wait to see who God is calling to join us.

I'm still here on the runway, and I'm wondering if I'll make it home today. As I sit here, I'm also wondering what the people around me are reading. "That one looks interesting. I wonder if I can read it without him noticing. Has it come to this? I'm a second hand reader." Waiting is no fun.

Patience in midst of uncertainty is not unique to travelling or church planting. I'm sure as you read these words you can easily think of an element in your life where the future is unknown. I wonder if you're asking, "How will I make it without [insert name]", "How am I going to make ends meet", or "How are we going to move forward and make a decision." If you're like me, you want to know what will happen. You want to know the outcome and the timetable, and the longer you have to wait, the more confined you feel.

It's like the guy sitting in front of me on the airplane. He has just fully reclined his chair without warning. Why do they do that? Now I can't reach my Sudoku.
Resting in the midst of the unknown stinks. I rebuke myself for being impatient, knowing I wasn't created to be anxious, knowing I was rather designed to rest in security of my savior.

There are many great texts in scripture that speak to this security, but the one that comes to mind, as I'm trying in vain to open this tiny bag of airline pretzels, is Psalm 46. In this Psalm we are confronted with the sheer power and presence of God in the midst of apparent uncertainty. While natural disasters and political chaos seem to rule the day, we are corrected and told that God is in fact the one in control. He powerfully rules over creation, brings wars to an end and shatters the tools that inhibit peace and justice. In the midst of this grand display of awesome authority, in the face of our fear and anxiety, in the mighty thunder of His presence, the Lord gently grabs us in verse 10, sits us down, and says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." In light of all the uncertainty and chaos, God tells us to relax, take a breath, and know that He's sovereign, and His purposes will be fulfilled; He will be glorified and He will be with us.Here on the runway, I know we won't be taking off anytime soon. So, I decide to kill some time and check out the airplane washroom. What an amazing place! When I'm in there in feel a little freedom, knowing I'm not always going to have share an armrest with the woman in the wool sweater next to me. It feels good to know that I'm not stuck.

Knowing that God is in control and will accomplish His purposes, even though it seems uncertain to me, gives me comfort. I am confident that He has called us to start a new faith community, and will provide the means to make it happen. When I think about it, there are too many things for a church planter to consider, structures, fund-raising, tax statuses, strategic planning, not to mention serving your people or DTR's. But in the midst of the apparent chaos and uncertainty, the Lord gently grabs us, sits us down, and says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

I'm curious about you, as you think about waiting in the midst of your own uncertainties. Waiting stinks. But, I'm curious if you feel you can rest in confidence in that place, knowing our God is sovereign and will fulfill His purposes in your life.

Finally we're taxiing again. The flight attendant has told us we can’t take off until we all turn off our "approved electronic devises", although I'm not convinced. I'm still not sure if I'll make my connecting flight in Chicago, and be home tonight, but I know we serve a God who will be exalted among the nations, and will be exalted in the earth. So, I can relax, take a breath, get out the SkyMall catalog and figure out if my wife would prefer a three-foot tall ceramic bigfoot statue or a digital tea kettle for her birthday.