the weekly freak out

In the work we find ourselves in we feel very supported by different churches, friends, and family. But usually, about once a week, I have a little freak out. I question what we're doing and how we're doing it, wondering who will join us and how we will sustain the long road ahead. These freak outs are usually drawn from self-imposed pressure to perform. Usually it comes in moments when I think about the performance objectives I place on myself or worrying about how I am going to pull it all together. "Me", "I", and "self", do you see the Aaron-centric perspective in these moments. The freak outs come when I worry about how I will be viewed by others, how I will make it happen, or how I think I am doing. "Me, me, me."

Usually the freak outs end when I go for a walk, and allow the Spirit to again breathe life into me, reflecting on the scriptures, and the truth that God is in control, this is His church, His ministry, His servant. A fellow church planter in Seattle gave me this advice, he said, "Always remember that you are a child of God." Whether the church we start is an awesome success or a horrible failure, I am His child. Whatever happens, I am His. I think it is healthy to have the weekly freak out; it keeps me humble and rooted in the One who has called us. I would prefer however to grow in maintaining a God-centered perspective in life, rather than drifting toward that Aaron-centric perspective which results in the freak out. My prayer is that we will all grow in our knowledge that we are His, that we are under His blanket of love, and that we live only under His grace.